| oregon - perspective |
[Sep. 19th, 2005|10:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | such great heights - the postal service | ] |
wow. so the oregon trip was huge.
pix up at my smugmug site, and the shues'
and wrt the last post i put up, mom and pop have now seen the nosering
in photos, so i'm not going to be timid about it in the future.
the cascades were humbling. as mountains should be to flatlanders such
as m'self. on the monday morning ride i think i managed to invert
my lungs. the climbs are different out there. they're
constant. for miles you climb. and it's at ~6000', whereas
i'm living at the ~650' mark. so i had that goin for me..
tuesday was grueling. lots of hard climbing. and loose lava
rocks. they were sharp and unstable, and scary to someone from a
more tectonically 'settled' part of town.
so after 2 days of inching up them and bombing down them, i was really
cranked. just totally angry at myself for not being able to climb
better. not owning it, not being able to shimmy right up the
loose lava rock mountains, the likes of which i'd never before
seen. on a specialized fully, unlike the hardtails i'd been
riding. and i was _mad_.
wednesday was a respite. a transfer day, mostly flat, lots of
winding. it made me feel like i kinda knew what i was doing
again. i got some confidence back. and we took the
afternoon off to relax around camp, so we swam, i knitted, it was just
a chill afternoon. oh, with beers at lunch. mmmm..
it wasn't until thursday which was another goodly bunch of climbing, that i really started getting some perspective.
i realized that the michigan racing pool, is really a small pond.
and the people that do so well here are just medium sized fish in the
puddle. we've got some gorgeous trails. but they're kind of
like road riding on the dirt. they're nothing like having crazy
elevation changes, not like riding on mountains. agonizing over
how i've been losing all season isn't really doing me any good.
it's not making me faster. i haven't hardly been having fun in
the races this year because i've been so worked up over how i'm doing
compared to other people.
for years i think i've been trying to gain approval from a faster, more
experienced cyclist. in gaining some of this perspective, i
realized that i don't want to have his sort of life. i don't want
to focus exclusively on biking and neglect my creative side, or my
friends and family. i want to always have room to do what i like,
and not feel bad about not being on the bike, not training hard
enough. now i'm riding for me. i'm riding for my own
improvement. (and i really do want to get faster, and better at
handling, etc, because i love the sport). i'm riding to enjoy my
own self, not show anybody that i can do what they do, to my own
inconvenience.
really, the races are darned fine training rides, and i don't have
anyone to impress (because it would be silly for someone to be
impressed with the biking, when the rest of my life is so much more
interesting). so there's nothing to worry about. i skipped
the first race after i came home because i just didn't think it would
be fun to spend 3 hours riding 30 miles around the rutted out dusty
course on my tinkerbell hardtail (when i'd been riding the bombproof
fully for a week). so i didn't race, but i showed up and cheered
on my friends. it felt good. and i raced this last weekend
at addison oaks. the course is gorgeous, and i just love riding
there. i had one of my best races this season. it was
wonderful.
so now we're on to fall riding. my favorite time of year.
time for the apple cider epics, and the fun back road rides.
seeing my non-racer bike friends. testing out the singlespeed,
riding through downtown detroit at midnight. one of the other
nice things about fall (there are almost too many to
count) is that with the race season ending, i'm really looking forward
to spending some time shooting. maybe even hunting.
what i love about my life is the great mix of things i get involved
with. i need balance, and diversity, new experiences. i
just couldn't be doing everything i wanted to because i was berating
myself all the time, worrying about what other people thought of
me. i like being able to go to the chinese buffet and drink with
my non-riding friends, which i can do because cycling isn't the true
focus of my life, it's just one of the many pleasures.
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